| Moving Foward |
[17 Aug 2008|09:21am] |
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mood |
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Yesterday I said goodbye to south Florida and open up yet another chapter in my life. I finally moved into the townhouse with Alyssa and I totally love it. For the first time since moving out of my parent’s house I feel settled and I don’t have to worry about shitty roommates and bad living situations. I can finally focus on other things. Classes start in a week and while I’m not extremely excited about that, it is the reason I came to college. I am however very excited about football season starting and hanging out with friends. As much as I miss my family and a few friends from back home, Gainesville feels more like home to me than South Florida. And while I know I will always have a place to call home in South Florida it just isn’t a place I want to be. I like watching the seasons change and the leaves fall and even bundling up on days when it gets really cold. My life is moving in a very good direction and I’m genuinely happy. And now I have totally lost my train of thought. I’ll post pictures of the townhouse once Alyssa and I are done decorating and all that other fun stuff.
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| This life we are given |
[09 Aug 2008|02:16pm] |
I’m an incredibly lucky person and I have always known that but I think I just recently came to appreciate it like I have never done before. I’m genuinely happy and excited about life. I think for the first time in quite a long time I have taken a moment to breathe this summer and really evaluate the things in life that mean the most to me. I’ve come to realize that it’s the simple things that mean the most to me. I have said it time and time again but I will say it again I feel so incredibly blessed to have the relationship I have with Todd. He pushes me constantly to be a better person and to reach beyond my limits. I started believing in myself again when we started dating and although I know there are still a lot of things I need to work on, I’m confident that because of him pushing me constantly I will be able to accomplish them. It feels like things are really starting to fall into place for me. Since high school graduation I have felt like things were so up in the air and nothing was really settled. Now, two years later I feel like things have started to calm down. Living with Alyssa in the new townhouse is such a big step forward as far as my living situation. The past two years I have experienced roommate hell. I’m also half way through college and I honestly love UF and the friends I have meet a long the way so far. I guess I have had a lot of time to think in the past few weeks and have come to realize that I am an incredibly lucky person. And now that I have totally lost my train of thought i'm going to end on a quote from a song i am listening to.
"You've got to live this life your given like its the only once you've got"
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| In This Moment |
[13 Jul 2008|07:06pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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I’m bored and thus feel the need to write about pointless stuff. I’m also a little bummed, partly due to the fact that I am on my period and thus my hormones are out of whack. The other reason I am bummed is because Todd is on an amazing vacation in the upper peninsula of Michigan about 2000 miles away and I couldn’t go because my job would not give me the time off. His family invited me to go months ago. His grandmother has a membership to this exclusive club and they rented four cabins for a week. He is there with 15 family members and I have meet all of them except one. It would have been amazing to have been able to go and he says is absolutely beautiful and so peaceful. I could really use a real vacation. He was talking to me on the phone last night while sitting at the edge of a dock on the lake looking up at a sky absolutely filled with stars. He said it was very romantic and felt really bad that I couldn’t come with him. His family was pretty disappointed from what he told me that I wasn’t able to make it. Hopefully he will send me some pictures from his phone tonight, I can’t wait to see it, but it’s going to make me a little more sad that I wasn’t able to go. They have already told me that they want me to come with them next year, so hopefully I will be able to. I really miss Todd and I seriously cannot wait to see him. If everything works out, I will get to see him in two weeks for a day or two. It makes me so excited and at peace being with him, even though he is so far away right now I still feel this amazing sense of serenity whenever I think about the relationship we have. People search their entire life for something like this and I feel so lucky to be experiencing it.
On another note camp is halfway over and I just want it to be done with it already. It’s monotonous, and I hate having the same routine everyday. Working at a summer camp again has made me realize how much I need a job that is changing and constantly challenging me. It’s a good thing I am going into Public Relations because it’s a field where you can be doing something different all the time. At the moment I am backing up files to my hard drive because I have to send my laptop in to get the screen replaced and I won’t have it for probably a month, which is just really annoying and inconvenient. In the meantime my parents are letting me put one of their desktops in my room until I get my laptop back. There is no way I could go without having a computer in my room for a month, it would drive me off the deep end. I hope the next month goes fast, I’m honestly ready to be back in Gainesville and while I miss my family and friends when I am away from South Florida, I think that in my mind I have already moved on from this place. I see myself somewhere else in the future.
"I don't want to miss one smile,
I don't want to miss one kiss,
I just want to be with you right here with you,
Just like this, i just want to hold you close ,
And feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
For all of the rest of time"
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[04 Jul 2008|01:47pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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Once again I am reminded how fragile life is and how quickly things can change. I found out a few days ago my fathers mother whom I refer to has Nannie has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I can’t say I was at all surprised. She has had quadruple bypass surgery and breast cancer and yet she still continued to smoke. Not being surprised though does still not help the reality of the situation. Her lung almost collapsed during the biopsy they did a few weeks ago to determine what the spot was on her lung. She’s in her late 70s and there aren’t a lot of treatment plans that would work for her and any kind of surgery is very dangerous and could kill her. For now It’s just a waiting game to find out whether the cancer has spread and what type of treatment, if any they can do. It just plain sucks.
On top of all that the dog my mom rescued about a month ago has severe anemia caused by a tick borne disease she got while living in filth in Miami. They aren’t sure she is going to make it but we should know for sure whether the medication is working or not on Saturday. I have a feeling she is going to be fine, but the scare definitely has not come at a good time.
On a more positive note, I’ve been working at the camp now for three weeks but I’m definitely ready for it to be over. I’m super excited to move into my townhouse with Alyssa. My dad and I are moving my stuff from the old place to the new one at the end of July and then I have to come back to finish working at the camp. Hopefully I will make a lot of money this summer but I also have my job on campus to make money from. I am definitely ready to go back to Gainesville. Its weird to be home after living on my own for two years now. Living with Alyssa in the townhouse is going to be a lot of fun. We always dreamed we would live together one day but never actually thought it would happen. Its also going to be really nice to having Todd next door. I am looking forward to the next school year as a chance to finally settle down as far as my living situation goes. I also have to start taking the first steps towards figuring out what I’m doing with the future. I have to say though it doesn’t really scare me as much as it should…yet. I know for sure I’m going to take the GRE but I don’t know yet whether I will be going to grad school. I guess it depends on a lot of things. Despite all the craziness lately I feel excited about things to come.
There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I've never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home
hold on, you're home to me
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[15 Jun 2008|12:43pm] |
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I haven’t written in this journal for nearly 3 months, mostly because I don’t feel the need to. I used to feel a need to spill my guts onto internet oblivion for some reason. I guess I have grown up a lot since I first started writing in this journal 4 years ago. And while it holds many memories, both good and bad, I don’t feel a strong connection to it like I used to. In fact I almost find it pointless to write every little detail of my life in here. Instead I choose to live my life and not worry about preserving every moment of it and while I will admit that I will continue to come here and write when I feel the need, I just don’t think it will be as often. Obviously I haven’t really written in it much over the past year. I am really happy with the direction my life has taken. I have an incredibly amazing boyfriend and a relationship that before I could only have dreamed of, My bestfriend Alyssa is moving up to Gainesville and into a great townhouse with me at the end of July and I have a group of friends that make college a blast. While the past year hasn’t always been easy and there were some tough lessons to learn, I am such a better person because of it and a happier one too. In other news I’m working at a summer camp for the next 8 weeks. I’m a head counselor in charge of 25 eight year olds and I have two other counselors under me. I also get my own classroom. Oh responsibility got to love it. It’s a sports camp, so I’m looking forward to getting back into shape and being paid to play with the kids and go on field trips. I guess that’s a good enough update for now. Maybe after my first couple days of camp I will give another quick update. Hope everyone is having a good summer.
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